Mark Zuckerberg and his Ray-Ban Meta obsession

Forget Meta, forget Hawaii, forget the legendary gray t-shirt collection. Mark Zuckerberg’s true soulmate is a pair of Ray-Ban Meta smart glasses. He loves them like most people love pizza rolls at 3 a.m. These aren’t sunglasses, they’re “surveillance chic.” They make him look like a lifeguard who’s also auditioning for Spy Kids 6: Silicon Valley Summer.

The funny part? Normal people buy Ray-Bans to feel like Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Zuckerberg buys them to feel like Tom Cruise in Minority Report, minus the cool hand gestures. While you’re rocking shades to hide last night’s karaoke shame, he’s wearing shades that can livestream your bad dance moves in 4K. It’s like if Crocs suddenly came with Wi-Fi and told your boss when you called in sick.

Zuck’s pattern is always the same: pick an idea, crank it to 11, and pretend it’s the future. First the Metaverse, now spy-glasses that make you look like an undercover dad on vacation. He’s convinced we’ll all walk around like NPCs narrating our lives. Imagine The Rock selling dumbbells that also posted your biceps directly to Instagram. That’s the vibe.

And the irony is peak comedy. He wants connection, but these shades create maximum awkwardness. Picture brunch with him: you’re mid-bite on pancakes when you realize his glasses are uploading your syrup face to the cloud. It’s not Black Mirror, it’s more like Black Eyewear – sponsored by Ray-Ban, powered by Meta, enjoyed by literally only Mark Zuckerberg.

So cheers to you, Zuck. May your Ray-Ban Meta obsession finally help you see what everyone else already knows: those shades make you look like a mall cop with Wi-Fi.