Kim Kardashian and the sacred art of the selfie obsession

Kim Kardashian didn’t just take selfies, she industrialized them. If Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, Kim invented the glow ring that makes you believe you look like Beyoncé at 3 a.m. She once dropped a 445-page book called Selfish, which was literally a hardcover shrine of her face from every angle. Imagine walking into Barnes & Noble, browsing for Hemingway, and accidentally bumping into 400 pages of duck lips and contour. That’s not publishing, that’s sorcery.

Her obsession with selfies is so legendary it deserves its own National Geographic documentary. Picture David Attenborough whispering: “Here we see the Kim in her natural habitat… tilting, pouting, and snapping, all within seconds.” Forget tigers stalking prey, this is a woman stalking the perfect lighting near her kitchen island. The fact that her selfies have become currency—like actual cultural stock—is proof America values cheekbones more than bitcoins.

Let’s be real, Kim didn’t invent selfies, but she definitely branded them harder than Apple did the iPhone 17 Pro Max. She turned a bathroom mirror into Madison Square Garden. She trained the planet to believe that documenting your own jawline from 17 degrees above is basically a human right. Every influencer carrying a ring light today? That’s Kim’s trickle-down economics in action. The selfie empire is her Mount Rushmore, except all four faces are hers and two of them are filtered with Valencia.

Of course, the world clowns her obsession, but admit it, we’ve all tried it. Who hasn’t spent five minutes pretending to “check the time” just to catch the right selfie angle on their phone screen? Kim just took that shameful secret and cashed it into billionaire status. It’s not vanity, it’s capitalism with better contour.

Kim, this one’s for you. May your storage never fill, your lighting always hit right, and your front camera stay cleaner than our collective conscience.