▷ Morgan Freeman and his obsession with narrating absolutely everything

Morgan Freeman doesn’t live life, he provides commentary on it. The man cannot butter toast without turning it into an Academy Award performance. Every squeak of a chair, every drip of a faucet, every sigh of a bored teenager becomes a grand tale of destiny and human struggle. Imagine trying to enjoy a quiet dinner while Morgan’s voice solemnly explains your fork’s journey from the drawer to the mashed potatoes.

This obsession doesn’t stop at home. In the grocery store, he narrates the tragic separation of a ripe avocado from its shelf. In traffic, he describes the epic quest of a Prius merging onto the freeway. Even vending machines aren’t safe. To Morgan, a bag of Doritos dropping is not just a snack, it’s a metaphor for perseverance against gravity and hunger. By the time you open the bag, you feel like you owe it an apology.

The worst part is how contagious it becomes. People around him start second-guessing their every move, knowing it could be transformed into Shakespeare. A sneeze? “And so, the particles took flight, scattering into the air like tiny rebels without a cause.” A trip on the sidewalk? “And there he fell, not from weakness, but from the cruel betrayal of uneven concrete.” It’s exhausting to exist when your mistakes come with a soundtrack.

Ironically, this relentless narration makes him the most powerful man at any party. You can’t outshine him, because even your casual sip of beer sounds profound when filtered through that velvet baritone. Forget karaoke, forget jokes. If Morgan Freeman describes your outfit as “a bold choice, echoing rebellion against laundry day,” you just became iconic. His obsession elevates everyone, whether they like it or not.