Wednesday Addams and her obsession with never showing feelings

If Wednesday Addams ever won the lottery, her reaction would be the emotional equivalent of a flat tire: nothing. Not a smirk, not a gasp, just the same deadpan face she wears when stabbing a voodoo doll or eating soup. Her obsession with never showing feelings is so intense that she makes poker players look like soap opera extras. Honestly, if she fell into a pit of puppies, the only thing she’d say is “disappointing.”

People think she’s mysterious, but it’s really just her version of cardio. While others jog to stay fit, Wednesday burns calories by suppressing emotions. Happiness? Crushed. Sadness? Vacuum-sealed. Joy? Sent straight to voicemail. Her face is the human version of an iPhone on low power mode, always dim, never expressive, and definitely uninterested in your memes. If emojis could sue for neglect, Wednesday would be the prime defendant.

She has mastered the art of emotional fasting, starving every smile like it’s gluten. You’ll never catch her doing the awkward giggle at a dad joke or shedding a tear during a Pixar movie. While the rest of us ugly-cry when Bing Bong sacrifices himself in Inside Out, Wednesday probably whispered “pathetic cloud creature” and blinked exactly once. Honestly, she makes Siri sound passionate. It’s less personality and more operating system with bangs.

But maybe that’s her superpower. In a world obsessed with Instagram stories and fake enthusiasm, Wednesday is the ultimate minimalist. Zero feelings, zero filters, zero wasted energy. While we’re all out here overdosing on pumpkin spice lattes and motivational quotes, she remains an unbothered, monochrome queen, turning emotional bankruptcy into a lifestyle brand. Call it Deadpan Chic, coming soon to a Hot Topic near you.

Wednesday, this one’s for you: may your face forever remain frozen like a Netflix screen stuck on buffering. Thanks for teaching us that feelings are optional, but great bangs are forever.